Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Do you get frustrated with friends?

I have this friend. She's sort of my best friend. I can't say she's my best friend because she kind of ties for that position with another friend that I've known since forever, but she is a VERY close friend.

This friend of mine is a doormat for her entire rather large extended family. She is one of 7 adult children, the youngest of whom is nearly 40. She has her own little family that includes her two girls and her hubby. She is the ONLY person in that entire family who does anything for anyone. As a matter of fact, she does EVERYthing for EVERYone. And none of them are ever willing to help her with anything. And she gets annoyed with them and stressed out, but still won't say no to them.

In the meantime, I can see the negative effect it has on her girls and her husband. A little over two years ago, her sister took it upon herself to move herself in, along with her newborn twins and her deadbeat abusive boyfriend. Since the day they were born, the twins have become my friend's full-time job. No kidding. Even when the sister is there, she (the sister) does practically nothing -this laziness extends from actually caring for the babies she so desperately wanted, to housework, cooking, laundry, etc. Not only that, but she has never paid a dime toward rent, food, babysitting, utilities, the several loans my friend and her husband have taken out to get her a used car, storage shed, etc. The deadbeat boyfriend eventually moved out, but he never paid either -not even child support. Whenever my friend's sister got her hands on any money, she used it for a membership at Curves (not diapers and milk, but something for herself) or diet pills. She continually takes off in my friends truck and returns hours and hours later with no explanation of where she's been, no phone call, and an empty gas tank. AND? She doesn't even mention the empty tank, so my friend has actually run out of gas on the way to pick her own children up from school. My friend and her husband have used up their girls' college fund, are behind on all of their payments -including house and car and OBVIOUSLY, her husband is very frustrated. The sister runs the house -she tells them where they can park in their yard (actually stepped out into the yard the other day to tell the husband that he was parked in HER spot), what television programs they can watch, and screams at my friend's daughters and husband all of the time. The sister has been working for months and has yet to pay a dime toward ANY of the expenses.

The girls -my friends daughters, who are also my goddaughters, are depressed -anyone can see it. The youngest has taken to reverting to baby-like behavior, the oldest is sullen and withdrawn and I know it's because Mom has no time for them. Meanwhile, they're in debt, the house needs multiple repairs that fall into the DIY category, but none of my friend's family is willing to help her husband accomplish the jobs.

On top of all of that, she's the only person in her family (eventhough her two brothers LIVE WITH her parents) that can repair things at her mother's, program the cable box, hook up TVs, put together armoires, chauffeur, her parents and brother to and from doctor's appointments, and break up fights between her parents (sometimes physical fights).

And I get frustrated when my friend cannot take 15 minutes to talk to me on the phone because she's feeding the twins -at 6PM, when their mother is home (or should be) doing nothing productive.

I have talked to my friend on a limited basis, but it doesn't seem to get through to her. She's doing serious damage to her children and her marriage. I don't want to be too pushy about it, because I'd hate to lose a friend, but I just don't understand why she won't help herself.

Does anyone else have experience with a friend like this? Any suggestions?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Am I screwing up already?

I've only just recently returned to blogging and am only a few posts in, but I've already missed several days. I really want to be committed to this thing. I think it'll help me to feel a little more connected to the world once the twins get here and I'm trapped in this house with cabin fever, crying babies, wild hair, and a messy house.

But here's the thing, sometimes I'm either too tired or too overwhelmed by lists of things that need doing and OTHER TIMES I just don't feel like I have anything interesting to say. The comments are great, but I even think it's a little sad how much I look forward to the feedback, but I guess it's human to want that connection.

So my weekend? Not that exciting, but good. I had a bit of a rough day on Saturday. I'm just far enough into twin pregnancy-dom that there can be some awfully uncomfortable times. Saturday was like that. I was having a problem with gas (ugh, I hate even admitting that I could possibly have gas! LOL) trapped in my tummy, on top of that I was constipated (another lovely 3rd trimester trick nature pulls on some of us) and twin babies were squishing all of my internal organs while Braxton Hicks contractions intermittitently squeezed whatever the babies hadn't already pulverized. I was not a happy camper. Soaked in the tub, that didn't help. Tried to lay down -way too uncomfortable. I couldn't even sleep right for most of the night. Fortunately, by dawn's early light I finally began to feel normal. Unfortunately, I was exhausted and the alarm was ringing for me to drag my sorry butt to church.

Sunday was a whole bunch better. After church we did a very tiny grocery shopping trip, took hubby for a birthday lunch (robbed Peter to pay Paul for that one), and then came home, popped corn, and watched a DVD with the kids. I think one of my favorite things about that day was that hubby didn't spend most of it working on little projects. It seems like we rarely get to just sit a veg. And with Danny and Amy soon to make us a family of SIX, we probably won't have many more days like that for quite some time.

So, what'd you do with your weekend.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Long time no see?

So I needed to skip a couple of days over here. For one thing I was kind of tied up with lifes little necessities, and then yesterday was just really one hell of an upheaval that I'd rather not get into right now. Suffice it to say that my family is well, the twins are fine, and I am physically fine -even if I could use a little mental tune-up.

So I had a very nice lunch with a friend here at my house this afternoon and I really enjoyed it. I feel so relaxed and happy. I even skipped my nap today and still felt rested. That was a nice feeling. I rarely relax and with the twins fighting for space, I rarely feel rested.

My poor little guy is irritable w/ a runny nose and I'm just praying he's not getting sick. This crazy Florida weather, 80 one day, 50 the next.

I'm excited about the refund checks that should be coming in the mail in June. I wish they'd be a little bigger. I do know that our household economy definitely needs some stimulation. I'm not sure what that will do for our budget deficit, but what can ya do, eh? After 7 years with this buffoon in office, it's going to take this country a long time to recover.

AND? I so do not want ANY of these "candidates" to rule my country in the near future. I don't really feel as if I have a clear choice. Each of them, no matter the party, has an offensive stance (to me at least) on some major issue that's a deal breaker for me. I've gotta get to the polls any day now and it's not an exciting prospect.

Monday, January 21, 2008

How SIL is able to make my life hellish

Okay, so maybe I wasn't very clear with the whole SIL situation, as I seem to have confused Islay. Because I favor clarity AND because it's therapeutic to blurt it all out, I'll give more detail here:

In brief:
SIL is from another country. I've been asking her to get her passport since November. She still hasn't gotten passport (no sense of urgency, clearly not American, nor type A like me). We need her here by March 15. We still have to get an appointment at the American embassy in her country for approval for a Visa. Can't do it without a passport in hand. No sense in making appointment if you don't have passport. From the time you call for appointment there's a 10 day lead time before you can schedule an appointment. Then it takes another week to actually get visa in hand. We also have to have her documents translated to English before the appointment. That takes time too. Then we need to purchase airline tickets and arrange for her to either pick them up at a travel agency (the nearest one being at least an 8 hours drive from her town) or find a way to express mail them to her and the mails in her country are NOTORIOUSLY slow. Needless to say, when she told us she was going the end of this month, we were more than a little miffed. That leaves only six weeks before she is supposed to arrive. Add to that that plane tickets get more expensive the longer you wait to get them. The babies are due April 2nd and we need her here before that for the care and nurturing of little bear who last saw her when he was three months old. Little bear has NEVER been left w/ anyone for more than say 7 minutes. He needs time to adjust before the twins arrive and trying to juggle newborn twins and a two year old and picking up SIL at the airport at any point after they're born is just plain crazy, forgetting about the fact that there's no one to care for little bear full time while I'm at the hospital.
But perhaps I'm crazy because we called her back today and told her. GO, but if you go one day later than the end of this month just forget it because it's much too short a time and much too stressful for someone pregnant with twins to juggle all this nonsense at the last minute. Six weeks to do all of that is way too little time.
Thanks for coming over from waffley. I only just found her, but I already think she's wonderful.


When it rains, it pours. And I guess it's true. We've had a month of mid-sized disappointments. Today the BIG ONE showed up. In the form of my sister-in-law, who will no longer be able to come and help me for one month before and two months after the twins come along. I was really counting on this.

I'm surprisingly not completely falling apart yet, but I suspect it's just a matter of time. I figured that since I always nurse my children 'til they're a year old, the babies would end up being almost completely my job, but...


1. Dear Little Bear. He's 2 1/2 and a complete Mama's boy. I've been so worried about him feeling left out of my attentions. Now I have to worry about him having ANYONE to look out for him while my boobage is hooked to wee babes or I'm trying desperately to sleep.

2. Terrible TWO year old little bear -little bear is a walking talking demolition team. He is a force to be reckoned with. There ain't no mountain high enough to keep him out of mischief. I'm so afraid he will get hurt of poison himself or something.

3. I have serious trust issues. I have no family here or not even anyone that could travel here. My sister-in-law was my one big hope and now I'm feeling hopeless. Who can I trust with my little bear AND who can I trust not to be snooping through our mail, and other personal stuff?

4. I remember well what things were like two years ago when little bear was the wee one. I couldn't even get a shower most days, but at least I could sleep when he slept -MOSTLY. I haven't the slightest idea how dinner will be cooked, clothes cleaned, house cleaned etc.

5. That OCD thing? I really am ocd with housework. While my house is NEVER spotless, I do generally manage to keep up with dishes, counters, bathrooms and floors (even if it means I pay the 12 year old to vacuum and mop). When the house is messy (even just a pile of dishes in the sink), I feel almost physically ill. Okay, I know it's crazy; I know that you're all thinking get over it, but it's really not something that I can get over. I feel so sad and kind of falling apart when the house is a wreck. I feel kind of floaty, happy, sparkly and good when it's clean. I know it's weird, but what is the title of this blog anyway?

6. THE LAUNDRY Upon their arrival, I will be mother to FOUR children. Four children wear and dirty kajillions of clothes.

7. THE HUBBY He works 75 hours a week -a necessity to keep me home caring for the kids. And I'm grateful that he's willing to work that much, but I sure can't have him rushing around fixing meals and cleaning house and doing laundry. He'd do it, but then I'd worry over his exhaustion and him possibly dozing off on the way to the job at 2:30 in the morning, as he barely sleeps 5 to 6 hours a night.

8. THE BUDGET Much as I'd love to just have a cleaning person come in, the budget is not fit to handle it. This goes for pretty well any other kind of hired help

9. ANOTHER ADULT HUMAN BEING -to keep me from losing my mind, I was really thrilled with the idea of having another adult human here captive with me during my incarceration, er recovery from childbirth.

10. GROCERY SHOPPING -we may starve not just because Mama can't find time to cook, but also because we may actually run out of food AND the budget so will not handle ordering out even as much as once a week, much less every night. HOW will I ever manage to do the shopping with TWO baby carriers and a TWO YEAR OLD? I know I could fit the two carriers in the cart, but then where do I put the two year old and the groceries? I can't possibly push two carts by myself. If you knew how clumsy and distracted I am already you'd know that that could only result in a tragedy that would result in me being interviewed on the Today show at o' dark thirty on a Tuesday morning.

So, I think that covers most of the reasons. I don't know why I'm not collapsing from anxiety yet, but rest assured -it won't be long. I know I'm not the only mother who's ever given birth to twins, but I feel like I'm the only mother who ever had twins and had NO ONE to help. Admittedly my twelve year old can help some each day when he gets home from Jr. High, but he also has homework to tend to and needs time to be a normal nearly teenager. And he's been so good and helpful during the trials of pregnancy that I really don't want to heap a ton more on him. Pray for me. PLEASE.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Lazy Sunday? Not so much.

So with the wonder of discomfort from a twin pregnancy, I was wide awake at a quarter to five. So I did what any good little preggo with only 10 weeks to go would do -I cleaned and organized. Actually, since my guys had told me to wait and they'd help, I've been waiting about two weeks longer than I was willing to take down our Christmas decor. This was annoying and embarrassing to me. So, this morning? I was packing and wrapping the ornaments and pine (fake) garlands and Nativity set and stockings and lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Anyway, now I only have to wait for them to untangle the star and lights from the tree and disassemble. With a little luck, they'll actually take all the boxes out of my dining room and out to the storage room and/or shed.

There's a good chance this year that I might actually have packed up everything together all at once, instead of finding 5 or 10 decorative items within the week after I've duct taped and labeled boxes. Last year I didn't realize our Nativity was still on top of the armoire until nearly Valentine's Day. After something sits there from Thanksgiving 'til the first of the year, things tend to blend in. Or I'm a slacker.

How about your Christmas decorations? Are they packed away already? Do you organize them as you pack or are you so anxious to get it over with that it all just gets shoved in the box in a devil-may-care rush? Inquiring preggos want to know.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

What makes me tick?

It sounds crazy, because I don't really love to do housework. But I LOVE to do the not everyday chores -cleaning out cupboards, wiping down all of the knick-knacks and candles on our shelves and mantels around the house, scrubbing the giant mirror over the fireplace (BTW, does anyone know why, no matter how much elbow grease and what cleaners I use, I cannot get the streaks off the mirror?), bleaching the grout, wiping down the walls, cleaning the outsides of our front and back doors. I feel such a huge (not normal) sense of pride and happiness. Sure I'm probably the only one who notices (or cares), but I really just feel all sparkly and precious when I get these things done.

AND... I have to walk around pointing these things out to hubby and kids. I guess that's what you get when you live in a house full of males. So, tell me.... What makes you all happy inside? I'd particularly like to know if it's something all quirky like that.

Friday, January 18, 2008

I left my blog in....

I kind of deserted my last blog. Fell off on blogging for so long that it just seemed ridiculous to go back.

I'm going to be very brutally honest, or at least try to, with this blog. I really need to use this blog to let off steam and bitch, whine, and rant about whatever gets to me on a daily basis. SOOOOOO -at times I'll probably be annoying and, very often, readers may not agree with me. I don't want to hear it. I don't care if you think I'm right, wrong, or politically incorrect. This is the real me venting. And I think we all need that if we're not planning on going postal in the near future.

So, that brings to mind a question -What stupid thing do other people do that you're sure will one day drive you over the edge? And if this were your sure-as-shootin' last day on God's Green Earth, what might you do about it?